weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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