I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
