I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
