He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
