mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
