he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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