why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
