Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
