I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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