Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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