The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
