My sheets look like a crime scene.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
