I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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