i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
