i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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