I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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