he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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