the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the condom got lost in my hair
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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