Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
