Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
