you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
