What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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