I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's blow job season.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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