I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Alive.
So much puke
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
