Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
