I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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