So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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