He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
