I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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