you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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