I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
