Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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