i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
