He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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