it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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