ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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