my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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