It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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