Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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