We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
