Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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