omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
