Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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