your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
