no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
