This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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