He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
