you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
