Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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