End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
