Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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