i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
