I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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