Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
