We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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