it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
