How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
