dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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