just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
