there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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