Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
