You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
