i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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