I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
