so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
