just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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