i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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