Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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