Moan for me like Helen Keller
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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