That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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