Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize