we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Farmville is her only friend.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
