Pappa wants mamma naked
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
