no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
