So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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