White coat. Heels.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
