im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
