so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
