We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
