He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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