I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
