I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
