Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
